What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
