I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
