As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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