Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
