Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
