dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
