got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
