I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
