i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
