I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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