Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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