I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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