grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
