theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
