my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
