Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
