So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
