turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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