Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
