saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
