it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
