u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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