Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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