I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
