tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
