the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I want is dick and wine.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
