i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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