so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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