that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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