The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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