I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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