And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
