Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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