Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize