i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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