I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
