i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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