My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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