I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
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We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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