I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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