I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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