Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
