i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
