Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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