the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
