Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
