Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize