We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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