what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
