i think my tv is drunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
