New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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