so explain again why im purple
no
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
