you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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