you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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