You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
