Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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