Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
