Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
