I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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