just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
