the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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