That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
