So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
