remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
