just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
