hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
