We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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