im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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