living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
