in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
