So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
