well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
