DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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